Answer with small truths. As a little anecdote my ex-husband and I had just started attending a new ward in his church when a guy our age wed chatted with a few times asked us what we were doing on Halloween. ME: Hi [Friend], Id like to plan a karaoke night with you, are you free [date] or [date]? But a couple people have African-violeted me over this. Why does it need taking care of?? Boy, do I need it. I think my aunt asks this question for the same reason you do. Like now? I'd Be Better if You Asked Me out If I Was Any Finer, I'd Be China I would much rather receive hey want to check out the Frida Kahlo photography exhibit? or are you free to take the kids for a few hours??? Situation #4: You have to say "no.". For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". Its any individuals choice whether the tradeoffs are worth it. Question. Thank you! Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses | TechSpot To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. Agreed I dont think that the question signals the other person should do all the planning, i think its a way to judge how willing and able they are to hang out sometime in the immediate future. Yeah, my parents did that too. The week after is all good. hours of 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. on Friday and Saturday because it will make you seem like you don't have anything better to do on the weekend. Thank you!!! But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. 2. One evening he bragged that he never outright asked anyone to do anything for him. So if you say Im probably going to that new movie, they dont ask and youre not put on the spot. On Thursday or Friday, its got any plans for the weekend? and on Monday, its do anything fun this weekend? I dont think theyre trying to find it my deep personal secrets, its on the same level as hows it going? or wow, traffic was awful this morning, huh? and I answer at that same level (oh, this and that, how bout you?). And even if she did pay money (not rentbut to share in the household expense, which is different from rent, even if it is the same amount of money), I would still consider her to be part of my family and as such why WOULDNT she pitch in when I needed her to? If people volunteer that theyre from somewhere far away whether they have a recognizable accent or not I might ask what made them choose this tiny place to move to. So if theyre just chatting youve invited them to talk about their own weekend, and if they are in fact leading up to an invitation, then youve been vague about whether nothing interesting means lots of chores, or free time. Always? Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health. Ive seen cat vacuuming most often as being what you do before you can sit down to write. Ive realized its very important for us. If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. But of course Im going to judge her reason for refusing. I do want to clarifyI miswrote: if my daughter says she needs to take some mental health time and thats why she cant spend an hour helping me w/ a family project, thats not fallout worthshes busy. We received your email and will get back to you with a (human) response as soon as possible. I think the idea is that someone who thinks no is hard will get the direct request and start cancelling plans, because no one would actually directly ask for babysitting unless this was the most important event of their lives. Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. Me: Yeah, Ive got some stuff I have to get done. I absolutely support you insisting on it and tossing her out on her ear if she doesnt want to. You could just ask. And genuinely interested in what theyre doing! 100 Funny and Witty Replies to Rude Comments - PairedLife If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. Thanks for the invite though!. its BANK HOLIDAY?. *I have some sympathy for her, in that Ive seen how this is gendered in our culture, of women being trained not to ask for what they want/need (possibly more than in western cultures? She can of course say, Im taking some mental-health time, and live with whatever fallout from being an unhelpful family member. to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. Nothing? Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. Because everybodys got something. LWs parent. Then we give a quick heads up to each other in the event that the person asking (such as mother-in-laws) will then turn right around and call spouse. In general, most people will expect a response like this when they . There are several possible moves in response to this gambit. I thought why do you ask? meant you are being nosy. You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. I know that doesnt solve your overall problem, and I dont know what a reasonable solution is Im Sorry youre struggling right now. Follow. Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. Which brings me right back to not understanding why parents do this to themselves and their children. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Once upon a time I had a friend. I dont remember why anymore but at some point I agreed to share my google calendar with this friend. I think the idea at first was to make it easier to plan hangouts. That is my current standard response. How about you? Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? 1. I was never taught that was the correct answer. That being said, I am always happy when I get to tell people that I dont answer that question because the answer gets me stereotyped and it keeps us from getting to know each other as individuals. Where I live, in Sweden, you can ask your family, friends, coworkers etc How are you? and the reply would typically be somewhere between Its good and Im a litte tired because the baby has a cold, but otherwise things are good, but never Kind of bad, my depression is making life really dark right now (at least not when used as a small-talk question). Because if she werent a family member, Id throw her out on her ear; she sure as hell wouldnt be in my home with all her stuff. Its just a formulaic greeting. Its a way of saying I enjoy spending time with you in a general sense, but without any plans to actually do that. I completely agree, it is always best to begin with the intention: I need a babysitter, I am planning a board game evening, I would love to spend time with you and catch up. This particular response though, is one of my favorite comments ever. I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. It takes a bit of confidence to state clearly and categorically what you want and then ask someone else to join in that thing, and not everyone has that degree of confidence. Go For a Walk: One of the simplest and most fun things on weekends is going out for a walk. Me: Dunno, but probably not. If someone just using what are you doing on __ as a casual opening to issue an invite, it gives them the opening they need. (Im a lady dating ladies btw, if thats relevant, though I have also dated men before and my experience is definitely colored by some of the emotional labor / potential gender-related danger issues some of the commenters pointed out thats spot on). Kind of a random revelation after reading everyones advice and responses: I think this is up for me right now because Im new to the online dating world and, because of my past experience with my family, I am having a hard time telling if the question is of the innocuous kind (like when co-workers ask my plans for the weekend), a soft opening to trying to ask me out, or the kind of manipulation that Ive, for better or for worse, learned to be on alert for. I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: Dont ask each of us the same question. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. Trust issues and controlling family? If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! Her Kid: are you ready to come to school? You enjoy making this girl smile and make her day with your humor. We cheerfully said we were free, assuming there was going to some festive get together and wanting to make friends. The same is true for both indirect hinty inquiries like doing anything on the weekend? and direct invites like Are you available for X chore/ Y funthing Saturday between 2 and 5? Or noncommittal responses like dunno, maybe or definite responses like I will make time for a few specific fun things within specific timeframe, otherwise I am unavailable. None of these is universally rude; any/all can be considered presumptuous, pushy, passive, or otherwise inappropriate to specific circumstances or relationships (and fine/desirable for others), and any/all may result in added difficulty/danger if they are spoken to a person who has the ability to cause problems if displeased, and are not what that person wants to hear. But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. My MIL does thatshe asks DH if we can come to dinner, and he says, Ill have to ask Toots. Then she calls me and asks me, and I say, I have to ask DH. Really early on, she did this, and then laughed at my answer and said, I asked him, and he said he had to ask you. I really need to catch up on some sleep this weekend. That way they know Im not going to be up for a 7 am hike, or a 9am brunch, but if they wanted to do an early happy hour Im probably going to be up for it. Good luck! 2. The lines of dominance and power are what make this a problem. From the sound of it, this is a dynamic already in place where LW faces various sorts of family opprobrium if LW turns down the cousin, and this is what LW is reacting to. A lot of the people old enough to have adult children at this point still put phone communication on some kind of pinnacle in their minds, because thats what they grew up with. Tomorrow is the weekend! The method that has been the most successful for me is to ask one person if theyre available/interested in an event, work out a date, and then specify such event in a group chat. Plus they have the freedom to say Nah, cant on Saturday, but Im free Friday or whatever. I have friends who do that, along with a SIL, and I also find it stressful/annoying. What are you doing this weekend? Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. Him: Good. The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. I read that post all the time. Others also have lives to plan and need to know (cancel event, find someone else, make other plans). "You know I can do this anytime.". If its just to bond, asking about past activities might be an easier way to accomplish this. I'm going to say this to my parents. Just how I like it :). If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. Why, whats up?, Yessss exactly. Answer accordingly. I then fully expect to be the person who takes the next step of saying yay! [Reposting because it looks like my first comment was eaten.]. Are you me? That way, he proudly announced, he never owed them a favor in return. Why do you ask? is my go-to response as well. Then they use your answer to decide if you're the sort of person who gets to join their clan and engage in merriment and shenanigans on a regular basis. Being a grown up with a family, studies and a job, friends and hobbies my life is often busy and so is my friends so we often use this website https://doodle.com/ but then people always know what kind of an event we are trying to schedule. !" 6) "Come back here weekend!! Funny Ways to Respond to "How Are You?" Overworked and underpaid. It might help to keep in mind that for most people, the question is pretty innocuous. Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. I also used to use it a lot until a friend pointed out this problematic history, so paying her work forward. (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). They know this. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. Ive got some stuff to do around the house, etc. 1. I usually just say Im doing laundry. I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. Julia has been . I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. The vague redirect is also a standard, recognized move. Why do you ask? Its a polite way of communicating WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Reading, learning, documentaries, podcasts, etc. Vagueing it up works for me. 3. Ill let you know closer to the day if thats okay. If it requires more notice, I tell them to count me out. Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. Obviously Im talking here about people Im friendly with, not friend-friends, but I cant imagine having got to the stage of being friends with someone who was inclined to rebuff me expressing interest in their life. :) Hope you like our compilation and try to stay serious ,please . 150+ Funny and Witty Answers to the Question "How Are You?" Well, now I know? We also told our children when they were growing up that they could use us as an excuse any time they felt pressured or uncomfortable saying no for themselves. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. You wonder where he'll take you. Well, it is a basic level of people-ing that you need to get used to if you want to interact with other humans, yanno. LW, one of the things you could do is take a hobby (or pretend to) and have that as your backup plans. Yes, this. It gives the impression that Id rather do nothing than spend time with you or help you with something (which may very well be true, but is often not a conversation worth having). If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! Are you asking where are you from of every person you meet the first time, or only of those whose appearance/accent makes you suspect they are not from your locality? I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. Funny How To Respond To WYD (What Are You Doing) Texts 18. If theyre just curious, they can say so, if they want to invite you to something, it gives them the chance, and if you feel like engaging further, you can. Nanani, that is absolutely true. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. Which sometimes was fine but not always. Its not lazy that I did X this week which meant I was in pain by Friday night. I ticked the following boxes: 1) had conversation, 2) got her to talk about herself, 3) gave her questions so she could talk about herself some more to make her feel good, 4) she was talking to me, AND I saw her smile! Try these OOO messages to let people know you're taking a break. I wanted to stayyou can make why do you ask? be a friendly lineand you probably should. You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend!
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